The latest ordnance from BSU (Blow Shit Up) Systems Inc has named it's latest ISIS buster the "Ted Cruz" Missile after the Senators spectacular crash and burn at the Republican Convention in Cleveland this past Thursday. BSU CEO Ann Grenayd explained "Ted Cruz's failure to endorse Trump was a premium example of political suicide, we were so inspired by that, so we decided to name our new crash-and-burn missile after the Senator." Grenayd went on to explain that the new missile has been designed to fall like a stone and crash and burn a square kilometer turning "little green men into crispy critters". BSU is also known for successful ordnances "T-Boner", "Slam Dunkin' Donut" and the infamous "Poop-shoot Ouchinator" used to suppress prison riots.
After the usual “assault rifles” are “weapon of war” used by “mass murderers” anti-AR agitprop, Massachusetts Attorney General Maura Healey dropped this bombshell at The Boston Globe.
The Massachusetts assault weapons ban mirrors the federal ban Congress allowed to expire in 2004. It prohibits the sale of specific weapons like the Colt AR-15 and AK-47 and explicitly bans “copies or duplicates” of those weapons. But gun manufacturers have taken it upon themselves to define what a “copy” or “duplicate” weapon is. They market “state compliant” copycat versions of their assault weapons to Massachusetts buyers. They sell guns without a flash suppressor or folding or telescoping stock, for example, small tweaks that do nothing to limit the lethalness of the weapon.
That will end now. On Wednesday, we are sending a directive to all gun manufacturers and dealers that makes clear that the sale of these copycat assault weapons is illegal in Massachusetts. With this directive, we will ensure we get the full protection intended when lawmakers enacted our assault weapons ban, not the watered-down version of those protections offered by gun manufacturers.
The directive specifically outlines two tests to determine what constitutes a “copy” or “duplicate” of a prohibited weapon. If a gun’s operating system is essentially the same as that of a banned weapon, or if the gun has components that are interchangeable with those of a banned weapon, it’s a “copy” or “duplicate,” and it is illegal. Assault weapons prohibited under our laws cannot be altered in any way to make their sale or possession legal in Massachusetts.
(AP) A New York man is accused of holding an 81-year-old Marine Corps veteran hostage in an upstate motel room for at least four years in order to steal his benefits checks.
Forty-three-year-old Perry Coniglio was arrested Tuesday is his room adjoining the victim’s at a motel in Highlands in the Hudson Valley. Coniglio has been charged with grand larceny, unlawful imprisonment and related offenses.
Police say he used brute force and intimidation to get the elderly and diminished veteran to cooperate with him. Investigators say the victim received three checks every month. It’s unclear how much those were worth.
The victim has been taken to a hospital for evaluation.
Coniglio is being held in the Orange County Jail in lieu of $15,000 bail. It’s unclear if Coniglio has an attorney who could comment on the charges.
A new realtime game app ISIS-GO will prepare citizens for readiness should they see ISIS in the streets of their hometown. The game developer C-Nuggets Inc says it will help desensitize civilians to nailing the nasty black pajama terrorists should they pop up in the street with the intent of committing mass murder. The game allows players to walk around and spot little cartoon ISIS terrorists and nail them with a bowling ball which then explodes and send ISIS body parts, blood, guts and black pajama fragments flying everywhere. "The satisfaction is overwhelming" says a spokesman for C-Nuggets, "we all secretly want to blow the terrorists up so this fulfills that desire in all of us, AND prepares us to nail them if we see them in real life, double benefit".
A new sleep aid - the "SNOOZOBAMA" - will soon to be released onto the market after an independent study on post combat trauma cites Obama's speeches as the leading cure for insomnia. 1,000 veteran candidates participating in the study fell asleep on average after only 2min 24 sec with the longest taking 4min 12sec. These surprisingly short sleep-times beat prescription medicines including maximized doses of Ambien and intravenous Valium. “We finally found a surefire cure for PTSD related insomnia” stated Carl Goober PhD who headed the study, “and due to the presidents double term we have a huge archive of sleep-inducing speeches from which to choose. Veterans are ecstatic at this discovery, I don’t think Obama has ever been so popular among the uniformed services!” Goober went on the explain that speeches dating back to 2008-2009 are less effective because Obama was more chipper in the early days of his administration whereas speeches from his entire 2nd term are a veritable goldmine. The SNOOZOBAMA will be available shortly at Walmart and Target with a cheaper version available for children and pets at leading outlets.
Or, is he just exercising his 2nd Amendment right to open carry, regardless of archaic CA State Laws? Either way, looks like he's PO'd with the rash of squatchers invading his forest habitat. Fish and Game have issued this advisory "Warning to all those who believe in the existence of Bigfoot. The unproven alpha-predator biped has been spotted openly carrying what we believe to be a Vietnam era M16A1 and though we're not clear if he has any ammo, we strongly advise against making whooping or wood-knock noises or anything else that would otherwise attract his/her unwanted attention." The advisory goes on to explain it could also be a female Russian athlete that evaded custody following the male hormone performance enhancing drug abuse scandal. https://imgur.com/xZJMScK